The Mountain

More Random thoughts...
For the pass couple of weeks I have felt a release of my burdens. I have felt like I am almost on the top of the huge mountain I have been climbing for almost two years. When I look back at what I have climbed, everything in me says, "How in the hell did I endure that?" It is almost like I relive the climb like it happened yesterday. I guess that is why God says do not ponder the past but look to the future. When I look back the questions start again. God what was the purpose? Why me? Will it be different once I am on the other side of this mountain?

Yesterday I ran into someone I have not seen in a long time. Have you noticed that someone can ask a question or say a comment that triggers all these emotions you didn't know you had? She was asking me about life and some questions that were specific. When I told her a brief version of how my life has been the pass 2 years she said. " Wow, it's never been easy for you has it?"

That question has been penetrating me ever since. I found myself almost over this mountain looking back saying, "How in the hell did I endure this and in some aspect still enduring this? It's going to be a fight today with my mind and emotions. I hate these days. The choice to walk by the spirit or my flesh. It feels so good to sulk and cry instead of speaking truth to my soul.

I wonder what God is saying or wanting my heart to hear? I wonder what dreams he has for me that is not even going to compare to these measly two years? I wonder how he would tell the story of my life? I wish I could hear His voice right now. I wish I knew the beginning until the end like Him.

I pray that I would not spend all my thoughts on myself today. I pray I would hear God's version of my story. I bet He tells it much better and with more hope than I do.

Random thoughts are good...