Embracing Who God Made Me To Be!

I want to take you on a little journey of my life, to show you how the lies that were ingrained in me for so long, seeped into my life even as a believer, and persuaded me to fall back into my yoke of slavery, even though Jesus bought me freedom.

I am not pretty. I am not smart. No one is ever going to want to stay with me. Love equals sex. I hate my hair. I hate my arms. White is better than black. Rich is better than poor. I could go on and on.

I know some of you might me thinking, those are such lies. How could she believe those?
These lies did not just come from me. Some were planted by those who were supposed to love me. Some came from living in this sinful world and of course the obvious is from the Enemy.Why is it we can see the truth for others, easier than we can see it for ourselves? Standing in lies for so long becomes our reality. Behind most of these lies were fears. Fear of rejection and abandonment.

I am not sure when this mind set, that white is better than black all began. Maybe it was because I lived in a dominantly white town, and my step mother was white.
I do have this memory when I was about maybe 4 or 5 years old, of standing on a stool in the bathroom, and running my small hands though my nappy hair; acting like it was silky like my moms’. I remember her coming in and asking, “What are you doing?” Not in a nice way I might add. The sad thing is I had no idea I was doing anything wrong. I was just copying what I saw her do.

I remember going to the public pool and taking out all my braids and really believing my hair would lie perfectly on my back like all the little white girls. It was so beautiful to me. I wanted hair like that so bad. No matter how hard I tried to pretend, my hair just became a big puff ball on my head. It never laid perfectly on my back. I couldn’t just run my fingers through it. I always regretted taking out my braids anyway, because it hurt more when my sister had to comb through it to braid it again. Looking back now I didn’t even realize I wanted to be white.

I have been a believer for 6 ½ years and God is just awakened a desire for me to embrace my heritage. I am so glad I serve a God that loves us too much to keep us where we are at. The past couple of years have been really rough for me, but as I am coming over the mountain I know I am going to look back and say, Thank you Jesus, You are so good! Honestly, by wanting to be someone I am not, I was cursing my own race. Wanting to be white is such a slap in the face to my ancestor’s who paved the way for the amazing freedom I have. For years, blacks were degrade and looked at as having no worth or value and here I am in the 21st century trying to escape the freedom that was purchased for me at a mighty cost. Now as a believer when I am trying to be something other than what God created me to be, that’s a slap in his face. Or when I fall back into slavery when God’s word says my old man has been crucified with Christ, how much does it break his heart?

This year has been about allowing God to define who He created me to be before the foundations of this world. God basically asked me, “Do you want to get well?”
Not do you want to “feel” well. Do you want to get well?
Are you open to God changing your life? John 5:1-6
I think we are open to feeling well, perhaps not open to the process of getting well.
Why, because amputation is involved.

I just started looking in the mirror and blessing how God made me.

God, thank you for making me black. God, thank you for my brown eyes. God, thank you for my course hair. Not only blessing myself, but also blessing my heritage. Bless the black men in this culture. Don’t let them fall into their stereo types. God I accept that you made me black and it’s beauituful. I thank you that You gave me a white mother too. That was not a mistake, Nothing God made is mistake. I am exactly the right race. I have the correct hair. I have the right parents. All of it is good, when we look through God’s eyes and not our own standard, or the worlds.

I do not always believe what comes out of my mouth. I am learning that it’s a process. I am starting to wear my hair natural. It’s beautiful and I like it! It’s how God designed it. I do not want to be ashamed of who I am anymore. I want to embrace all of who God made me to be. I want to learn as much as I can about my ancestors who went before me because I want to make a difference like them.

Quotes I love from a book I read on Identity.(Can't remember the title right now)

"I do not find my true identity by seeking it; rather I find it by seeking God. It is by losing myself in God that I discover my true identity".

"Any identity that exist a part from God is an illusion".

"Your temperament, your personality, your abilities, and your interest and passions all say something about who you are called to be, not simply who you are".

"The spiritual life of one person should never be a carbon copy of that of another".

The word says you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free!


The question I want to leave with you is, are you ready to be well? Not feel well, but be well. It is worth it to embrace all who God created you to be. To see When you are not walking in it, the world is missing out on your essence!